I have started again more times than I thought I ever would. This fresh start is nowhere near as big as my previous ones but it is still significant. Let me give a little background on where things started to change up until today.
My mum passed away in December 2015 and shortly after I split from my partner of twelve years. I had a mental break down which continued long after I thought I had recovered. I got my own flat which was the first time I had lived on my own, which was both exciting and scary. The week I swore myself off men, believing my mother was right all along, I met a man who I used to go to school with. Things moved quickly and he felt like home.
He was accused of a crime and I believed him so we decided to move to Norfolk, near to where his mum lived. We set up home and I soon discovered that he did in fact commit that crime against his ex-girlfriend. He did worse to me but to keep this blog suitable for younger eyes I will leave that part there.
He learnt my weaknesses and used them against me, like not showing weakness (ironically) which meant that I couldn't admit to my family that I had made a mistake and I needed help. I took out credit in my name as he had a bad credit score, apparently due to his ex (I now know differently), which very quickly turned into debt. He stole from me, lied to me, gaslit me, as well as the physical that shall not be mentioned other than to say he never once hit me because I would have recognised what that was.
We split at the end of 2020 technically but stayed living together for almost a year to help us both out financially. Once he found someone else he was gone. He paid half of the monthly payments sporadically but even that stopped just because I decided I couldn't continue trying to be friends. He kept asking me inappropriate questions and wondering why I was angry. Of course, he was doing this on purpose, but he knew how to trigger me and I ended up losing my cool every damn time. Worth mentioning that he knew I was perimenopausal.
I have moved since we last spoke and he, as far as I am aware, doesn't know where I live. If he ever shows up I will not hesitate to call the police. Even though I haven't been in any kind of contact I am still looking over my shoulder.
So, present day. I am still £12,466.62p in debt because of my decision to stick it out. I have been paying it off through a charity and recently doubled my payment. I would love to just get it paid off but I also need to build my life. I have no friends left from before and I have been too scared to try to make any here in Norfolk because anytime I mentioned a person I would get the third degree in different ways depending on if they were male or female.
I do not have a car anymore due to someone driving into me and the insurance deemed my little car a write-off. I decided to try without a car, which was costing me in excess of £3,000 a year, and find a job that I could walk or cycle to. I found that job but it is not a good hourly rate, I am feeling like the universe is working against me but I am choosing to have faith that my hard work and determination will pay off.
As well as working on paying the bill for my greatest life lesson I have been working on the aftermath of that relationship as well as the things further back in my past; events my mind had hidden from me. I want to find a great man who is willing to put in the effort that I do for a romantic relationship. I have made a list of the important attributes of him because I will not settle for less than I now know I deserve.
I am also learning skills and being brave by entering to world of self-employment (alongside my job for now) because I know I do not want to be working for someone else for the rest of my working life. This will also mean I can be a housewife and still earn money for the household. Yes, I want to take care of the home and my husband and I don't care who thinks I am foolish and old-fashioned, if it works for us then that's all that matters. I've just got to meet this man first. He's out there, somewhere.
So this is my brief description of where I am and how I got here. Now the fresh start begins (again) and I mean business... literally!
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