I had an old friend over last night and I was determined to not fall back into the people pleaser I used to be. Actually, that came up in conversation. I said that people, including her, used to talk to me like I was stupid and that I would no longer tolerate that.
From this meeting, this blog post was born. I want to give my thoughts on How I am versus how I used to be. I used to care so much what people thought of me. So much that I can't say I even knew who I was. Let me put this in a letter format addressed to my past friends (and so-called family).
Dear Past,
As I sit in this room in a shared house with four strangers that don't consider me the way I have considered them (noise and fair use related), cooking in this room and washing up in my en-suite sink, wearing headphones all the time so I don't hear their pretty much constant noise, working a job for very little just because I can't currently afford a car and lonely as fuck, I am left wondering why I cared so much about your opinion. Where did that get me? I'll tell you. It got me back to the beginning but with the wisdom that comes with realising some of life's deeper lessons.
Your opinions do not pay my bills. Your opinions are not paying off the debt that I ended up with through a relationship I feel I had no escape from (but thankfully I did. Your opinions are not getting me the life I really want. So tell me, why should I continue to give a shit about your opinion? Stop giving me advice, you are not living the life I want. Stop talking to me like you're an expert on anything that is not you because you are not an expert, you just have knowledge that I may or may not have. Do not assume I don't have it.
Not giving a flying fuck about your opinion does not mean I cannot enjoy your company, but I now have boundries that will not budge. I will not bend to create space in my life for you and I would not expect that of you. If it feels difficult without the feeling of forward motion then I am out. I won't make a song and dance about it, I will just let god handle it.
Thank you for your time xxxx
Now I turn to you, the reader. Are you letting others walk all over you? If the answer is yes then I need to tell you that you're the one letting them. Once this is realised then you gain the power to change things. If you are stuck blaming them then you are just making your life harder. This doesn't take away their responsibility but rather, it gives you a quick way to change this. Once you start changing, and yes, you do need to change, you will soon start to see change in the outside world. It is ok to tell someone you don't like how they speak to you or treat you but if you continue to let it happen then it will continue to happen. Ever heard the phrase "action speaks louder than words"?
The best way to implement change within oneself is to start off small, the smaller the better, and just keep making those teeny tiny little changes to yourself. These seemingly pointless little changes will compound and the transformation of your persona will get faster and faster and the change in the outside world will do the same. Don't expect instant results, in fact, I recommend taking as little notice of the outside world as you can (this gets easier over time). The more you focus on the unwanted to more unwanted happens. This I have witnessed in my own life. Contemplation from time to time is fine, but dwelling is not going to bring about positive results.
I will leave it there and wish you well on your journey through life. Just remember you have far more control than you have been lead to believe but the trick is figuring out what you have control over. here's the secret... its you.
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